This time last week I was sneaking a look at my phone at work when I saw that the roster had been announced for who had made the A/B teams and who would be playing in the British Champs games for the upcoming season. To my shock and absolute delight, I let out a bit of a scream as I realised that I had made the A team.
The next day we had a friendly mixed scrim with some skaters from neighboring teams. I felt like I was on the top of my game, the opposing team making comments when they realised I was blocking when they jammed. I then myself had a (rare) go at jamming, opposing team saying it's about time they got to get their own back on my big hits. I fired through and got lead jammer followed by quite a few passes before the jam got cut short after one of my teammates had a fall. I felt like I was on fire, everyone had amazing things to say to me and I was determined that I would be one to watch this year!
Fast forward to a few days later and we had our regular evening practice. We were working on blocking and communication, trying out different positions on track. Almost at the end of the session, we were doing situational drills and that's when it happened ...
I remember being on track near the front of the pack, there was a bit of a commotion behind me, then all of a sudden I was in the air followed by a shooting pain from my ankle, I fell and once I came round to realise what had happened, I was screaming. I quickly stopped myself from screaming once I realised and tricked myself into thinking, it was just the shock of it all happening. However, I looked at my ankle and knew that it was real and I should not try to get up and shake it off. The next few hours were a blur of shock and panic, hoping and pleading that I wasn't so injured I would be off skates for more than a week.
My team mates were brilliant, those that were in a position to, helped talk me round from my chants of 'I can't not skate'. My 'big sister' is a paramedic and was the one to assess my ankle, she looked at me as straight as she could in the face and said, 'we need to get you to hospital'. I knew then from the look in her eyes that I was not going to be skating again anytime soon. She got me straight to the nearby hospital and my fiance got a call from a ref, to meet me there. I quickly went into a state of shock, the pain from my ankle, the realisation I wouldn't be skating for a while, I was fixated on knowing when would I be skating again?
The doctors, nurses and everyone at the hospital were lovely, and got me seen to as quick as they could. I only got told on my way to the plastering room what had happened to me: I HAD BROKEN MY DISTAL FIBULA. This meant a cast on my broken leg, not being able to put weight on it and learning how to use crutches. I have the initial cast until my assessment a week later, to make sure that is the only damage I have done, fingers crossed, then they will evaluate where to go from there.
The evening I got home, I was an emotional wreck. I had messages from my team mates all sending me well wishes. I put a quick post on the private team page to let them know what the situation was and balled my eyes out as everyone sent their responses of shock and healing vibes. I couldn't do anything without my fiance helping me, and my first attempt in climbing the stairs for bed ended up in a complete breakdown and floods of tears.
The next day I got out my list book and started writing all the things I would have to sort out in my life. I came to the realisation that, due to circumstances outside my control, I no longer had my job and would be struggling to pay the bills on sick pay. Queue a whole new break down relating to my life and wondering why this had to happen at the worst moment possible? Luckily I have a very supportive fiance who was able to talk me out of it, and got my mind back onto things that needed doing.
I had some team mates come visit me that day, bringing flowers, cake and chocolate which brightened me up a bit. I sent my fiance off to his skating session when my other friend came over to visit, promising him I would be okay. However, I was unable to go to the bathroom unaided at the moment, and after drinking tea all evening there came a time when I just couldn't wait any longer. I had to ask my friend to take me to the toilet, and it was the most humiliating thing to happen to me sober. She was very supportive, and made a joke of it to put me at ease, however that evening after she had left I was an emotional wreck. I cried over everything, I couldn't stop. I was tired, I was in pain and more than anything, I had lost my independence.
So now comes the journey of recovery, hoping that I don't have any other injuries to my ankle, the emotional ups and downs and getting my life back.
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