Week full of suprises

So a week has passed and a lot has happened. At the beginning of the week, my fiance returned to work, I was concentrating on resting and counting down to my mid-week appointment to get my cast changed. However, all would not go to plan.

The beginning of the week was hard, with my fiance back at work, I was home alone for 10+ hours a day. Time to start doing things to keep myself occupied. I started off with life related errands to get things in order. On Tuesday evening one of my team mates came to pick me up and take me to watch practice. It wasn't as hard as I was thinking it would be. As much as it sucked I wasn't able to skate, there was nothing I could do about being injured so it was nice to be out of the house and seeing my team.

THEN WEDNESDAY CAME.

I expected it to be a normal appointment to get my cast changed into one that was lighter weight, however as soon as I got sat down they said it wasn't as I expected. Take my cast off and my leg/ankle/foot was a zig-zag shape and made me feel sick. I was told the news that it wasn't the straight fracture A&E had told me, but a more complex one that would require surgery and a plate fitting to my bones to get them back straight. More worrying was the ligament damage that had occurred and that they might also need operating on. There wasn't the availability for surgery that day, so I was sent home to home-wait for a call to come back.

I GOT THE CALL LATER THAT AFTERNOON, I was in surgery the next morning.

I didn't get much sleep that night and was starting to get really nervous and anxious. The next day when my fiance took me to the hospital they informed me he would have to leave me as soon as the nurse called me. Luckily, with me being in a wheelchair, on the brink of an anxiety attack and unable to do basic things alone, they allowed him to stay with me until I was on my way down to surgery. I got fully explained the procedure that was going to take place, and reassured that I would be left in capable hands. As I was on my way into surgery I started having an anxiety attack, and they had to inject me with something to calm me down before I was able to be put under.

I came around in a recovery room full of lots of other people who had also had surgery, I started crying and asking for my fiance, in incredible pain from my ankle and given pain relief in steps to be monitored. There was lots going on, I was scared, and I wasn't allowed to see my fiance for quite a bit longer. As soon as there was space in a ward, I got moved onto a ward where I could start coming round and be monitored by another set of nurses.

On the ward I was greeted by some lovely nurses who got me a cuppa tea and a sandwich to help me come round (they even accommodated to my picky taste in sandwiches). I was quickly in need of a wee, the third thing to tick off before they can release you, and discovered that I had also come on my period whilst under the knife!!!! Thanks for that body! Unfortunately I also got hit with a wave of sickness and needed to take something for this and have more of a nap before I was allowed to be released.

As I came round for the third time, that day I was finally told I would be able to leave as soon as they got hold of my fiance and taught us how to inject myself daily!!! Blood thinner to stop me getting blood clots since I'd be sat around all day resting. That was interesting, and soon I was on my way out with a bag full of tablets and injections and a sick bucket to throw up into in the car.

I spent the rest of the day in and out of sleep, and the next day I woke up slightly swollen and in a bit of pain, but still able to function. I took my painkillers on the dot and it seemed all would be going well.

Can't keep me off wheels.

Mother's day began with me getting big snuggles and a card from my very own fur-baby. (My fiance's way of cheering me up and making me giggle).

My own mother was out when I was ready to go round, so she came round to our house later. When they did come round, they also brought me a WHEELCHAIR. A wheelchair that meant I would be able to get out of the house for more than just a short hop and get some fresh air!! Being able to leave the house would be amazing, and even more amazing that I could join my fiance on a nice country walk at the RSPB reserve we live near and love. 

Now it's time to learn how to use these new wheels, and be able to leave the house in (hopefully a bit more) comfort. 

It's good to be back on wheels, even if they're not the ones I was hoping for.

Time for a wedding!

This weekend my friends got married! 

And so begins a whole host of new challenges. We had forewarned the lovely couple, and they had started making arrangements so I could still attend and hopefully be comfortable. We had called up the hotel and explained the situation and asked for an accessible room. We had planned and tried to think of every possibility to make the trip a whole lot easier. This did include buying a cushion that we could use at the wedding, for resting my cast on throughout, that matched my dress and shoes!! My fiance had a bag prepared with everything he could think of in, and he carried it and my pillow all day long without question.

The groomsmen spotted me getting out of the car and instantly got me set up in a chair at the entrance ready to be the first one in, in the space they'd reserved for me with space to stretch my leg out. This space was an aisle seat, and I did manage to not trip the bride up!! We were lucky to be on a table and sat next to someone that hadn't been able to make it to the wedding for the wedding breakfast which means I could put my leg up and tuck it under the table (so I didn't freak out my fellow diners) so it was elevated again and didn't swell too much. Everything went really well, and I got many well wishes (along with some comments about how I did it) from guests. Then we had to go check into our room ....

We started following the signs for the walk towards reception, following all the corridors round and going past people's rooms, I was struggling. Finally I had to stop and catch my breath, and we met some of the groom's family who informed us that the reception was another 5 times the distance and down some steps, no lift available. Luckily they volunteered to get me a chair from their rooms and sit me down whilst my fiance went to go check in. Unfortunately on his return, he informed me that the room they had swapped us to, was accessible to the reception, not the wedding, however we could get switched to a closer room but it would be twin beds not a double. After much consideration, and sulking, we decided it would be more sensible to be in the twin room and we got checked into our new room for a bit of a rest before the evening do. Turns out the twin beds were pushed together, so there was still space for a cwtch. 

 

In the evening we watched the first dance, listened to some bands, and watched as everyone else got drunk and had a dance. I was enjoying spending the evening with my fiance in our matching eccentric outfits, his beautiful smile cheering me up when he came back with food from the buffet for me. 

        

As the evening wore on, I was feeling a bit down about being unable to enjoy myself in the same way as everyone else, and worried about people knocking into my leg. I was getting tired and this ended up in a little cry in the bathroom. We decided to call it a night and said our well wishes to the bride and groom. My fiance took me and all our stuff back to the room, and this included some cupcakes for us to eat in bed!!! 

The next morning we drove round to reception to indulge in an all-you-can-eat breakfast, and left full of pastry and toast (and a couple of stolen tiny jam jars that I just had to have).

So the house has no food.

By the end of the week, we started to realise that there was no proper food left in the house. I am usually the one in charge of making weekly meal plans, writing the shopping list and being in charge round the supermarket to work out the best deals. Having mild OCD means that I can get quite anxious when something isn't done exactly to a routine I have. I tried my best to make a sensible meal plan that my fiance could follow and didn't take long to cook (he works long hours and often finsihes work after 8pm). 

I was determined that being broken wouldn't stop me going to the supermarket for the weekly shop, and phoned the supermarket to make sure they had a wheelchair and trolley attachment available we could use. What I failed to take into consideration was that by the time we were ready it was friday lunch time. BUSY. I spent the whole way round the supermarket being very stressed out as no one had any patience for me, and I was constantly being knocked into. It took 2 hours to do a small shop, and cost 4 times what I would have normally paid due to me not being able to look at offers, plus adding things in the trolley that weren't essential. The checkout operator, despite going through the disabled checkout, had no patience for how long we took, threw the shopping at my fiance who was trying to order the shopping the way I normally do it, and didn't help stop the customers behind me from making their comments about how slow we were. 

I was aching so much after the shopping trip, annoyed with people's behaviour and feeling pretty disheartened that I couldn't keep doing normal chores. 

That afternoon and evening were the start of practicing doing things on my own before my fiance went back to work:

• First up was mastering going to the bathroom on my own, Challenging, tiring, emotional, some mistakes. Even the simplest thing was hard. 
• I also had to work on being able to get up from the sofa on my own. Pushing the chair I elevate my leg on away from me and giving me enough space to hop away. This took a lot of practice, and trying different techniques. I fell back down a few times, and I was being disheartened into thinking I would never be able to do it on my own. Finally though, I found a method that worked for me. 
• This was followed by having to learn to sit back down without just collapsing and possibly knocking my leg. This was even more difficult, and trying to get my elevation chair back to it's position was proving to be impossible. 

By the end of the evening I was able to master going to the bathroom alone, get up from the sofa and ease myself back into the sofa. The only thing I couldn't do was pull my elevation chair back, so I knew I had some more work to do. 

My hard work for the day was rewarded by being able to make the Lego Bat I've not had time to build since I got it at Christmas. 

Time to leave the house

After making a list of all the things I had to do in life, it was time to start working my way down it.

First was getting myself signed up at a local doctors, I have recently moved into the area and hadn't yet registered with anyone local. This was the first challenge, as it would mean visiting the doctors in question to sign their forms with a witness there.

In order to leave the house, I would be required to wash. With the help of my fiance I hobbled into the bathroom where I planked myself on the side of the bath and attempted to wash my body with a sponge. It was hard work, and I needed a lot of help. Then came washing my hair, with a seperate bath and shower, and neither an option, it was time to get out a jug and wash my hair old school. Being on my knees, even with my cast on a pillow, was painful, and I need to find a new way of washing my hair in the future.

Getting to the car, which was parked a little way down the street, was tiring. My leg hurt from the weight of the cast I was carrying, on top of the pain and swelling. I had a pillow under my cast the whole journey, and every bump shook my leg against the cast. Then we parked up at the doctors and I had to hop the furthest that I had yet to travel. Across the car park and into the waiting room, where I instantly plonked myself into a seat.

Once we had finished at the doctors, we had to go take a trip to visit work, where both me and my fiance work. We had caused staffing issues with being off, plus someone had suddenly quit and another person phoned in sick. For a small shop, this was a big problem, and with my fiance as the manager, he had to go in and see how things were. I made him take me with him, as I was desperate not to be home alone. It was arranged that a wheelchair would be fetched to the entrance of the shopping centre so I didn't have to hop around. And I was feeling very self conscious of everyone staring at me as I transferred from my crutches to a wheelchair. Once we got to work I got parked up in the corner of the shop, and the couple of staff that were in were very sympathetic and also put me at ease with a few jokes. We ended up being there for a few hours, but it was nice to be out and in the company of people with a new scenery. There was just time for a cheeky starbucks for lunch before nipping back into work on our way out. By the time we were able to leave my leg was starting to really ache, and I was getting emotional again.

After I got home, I got VERY EMOTIONAL. I cried for most of the night, I couldn't stop and I was struggling more to get around the house. I missed cuddling up to my fiance whilst we watched Cucumber, something we managed to do every week as a tradition around both our busy lives.

I was struggling even more to come to terms with the fact that I have a broken leg, the idea that it would be a long LONG time before I got my independence back, and even longer before I would be able to walk unaided again.

This time last week ...

This time last week I was sneaking a look at my phone at work when I saw that the roster had been announced for who had made the A/B teams and who would be playing in the British Champs games for the upcoming season. To my shock and absolute delight, I let out a bit of a scream as I realised that I had made the A team. 

The next day we had a friendly mixed scrim with some skaters from neighboring teams. I felt like I was on the top of my game, the opposing team making comments when they realised I was blocking when they jammed. I then myself had a (rare) go at jamming, opposing team saying it's about time they got to get their own back on my big hits. I fired through and got lead jammer followed by quite a few passes before the jam got cut short after one of my teammates had a fall. I felt like I was on fire, everyone had amazing things to say to me and I was determined that I would be one to watch this year!

Fast forward to a few days later and we had our regular evening practice. We were working on blocking and communication, trying out different positions on track. Almost at the end of the session, we were doing situational drills and that's when it happened ...

I remember being on track near the front of the pack, there was a bit of a commotion behind me, then all of a sudden I was in the air followed by a shooting pain from my ankle, I fell and once I came round to realise what had happened, I was screaming. I quickly stopped myself from screaming once I realised and tricked myself into thinking, it was just the shock of it all happening. However, I looked at my ankle and knew that it was real and I should not try to get up and shake it off. The next few hours were a blur of shock and panic, hoping and pleading that I wasn't so injured I would be off skates for more than a week. 

My team mates were brilliant, those that were in a position to, helped talk me round from my chants of 'I can't not skate'. My 'big sister' is a paramedic and was the one to assess my ankle, she looked at me as straight as she could in the face and said, 'we need to get you to hospital'. I knew then from the look in her eyes that I was not going to be skating again anytime soon. She got me straight to the nearby hospital and my fiance got a call from a ref, to meet me there. I quickly went into a state of shock, the pain from my ankle, the realisation I wouldn't be skating for a while, I was fixated on knowing when would I be skating again?

The doctors, nurses and everyone at the hospital were lovely, and got me seen to as quick as they could. I only got told on my way to the plastering room what had happened to me: I HAD BROKEN MY DISTAL FIBULA. This meant a cast on my broken leg, not being able to put weight on it and learning how to use crutches. I have the initial cast until my assessment a week later, to make sure that is the only damage I have done, fingers crossed, then they will evaluate where to go from there. 

The evening I got home, I was an emotional wreck. I had messages from my team mates all sending me well wishes. I put a quick post on the private team page to let them know what the situation was and balled my eyes out as everyone sent their responses of shock and healing vibes. I couldn't do anything without my fiance helping me, and my first attempt in climbing the stairs for bed ended up in a complete breakdown and floods of tears. 

The next day I got out my list book and started writing all the things I would have to sort out in my life. I came to the realisation that, due to circumstances outside my control, I no longer had my job and would be struggling to pay the bills on sick pay. Queue a whole new break down relating to my life and wondering why this had to happen at the worst moment possible? Luckily I have a very supportive fiance who was able to talk me out of it, and got my mind back onto things that needed doing. 

I had some team mates come visit me that day, bringing flowers, cake and chocolate which brightened me up a bit. I sent my fiance off to his skating session when my other friend came over to visit, promising him I would be okay. However, I was unable to go to the bathroom unaided at the moment, and after drinking tea all evening there came a time when I just couldn't wait any longer. I had to ask my friend to take me to the toilet, and it was the most humiliating thing to happen to me sober. She was very supportive, and made a joke of it to put me at ease, however that evening after she had left I was an emotional wreck. I cried over everything, I couldn't stop. I was tired, I was in pain and more than anything, I had lost my independence. 

So now comes the journey of recovery, hoping that I don't have any other injuries to my ankle, the emotional ups and downs and getting my life back.